Yesterday I got a pat on the back at work. An overall "thumbs-up kiddo" sort of comment from my boss. Well I just skipped out of that meeting, feeling all light and delighted, and I've been on a high ever since. This leads me to wonder, why am I so responsive to praise? Shouldn't I know in my core whether I'm giving my best and making an impact, without being reliant on external validation? And more importantly, as the dream is to leave the corporate world behind forever and do my own creative thing, how will I respond to the complete absence of validation from an authority figure?
A huge eureka moment when I was working with an executive coach a few years back was to realise that I was "externally referenced". This means that I deeply cared what others thought of me, that I looked for external signals to know whether I'm ok. But isn't that true for everyone? Maybe - but to greater and lesser extent, and I was a bit of an extreme case. Since then I've been working hard at strengthening my own internal compass. I'm learning to find my own answers and trust my intuition.
A trick that I use sometimes when feeling uncertain is to reframe the situation as an exam question. I may not always be confident in daily life, but I do excel at exam taking. So I say to myself, if this were an exam question rather than real life, what answer would I write down on the paper? Or alternatively, if I were advising someone else in this exact situation, what would I say to them? Interesting how the uncertainty lifts away with this reframing. It's telling. I do know the answers, but sometimes fear prevents me from knowing that I know them!
Your blog is lovely! I'm a fellow student from blogging your way...just thought I'd drop in and say hello.
Posted by: Kristi | 01 February 2010 at 01:27 AM