How the light gets in

a (hopeful) glimpse into the future

 

 

There's this family that regularly comes to my favourite coffee shop in the morning at the same time as I do. Parents in their mid-forties and three kids aged six to ten, I would guess. They sip their hot drinks, idly flip through the papers and chat to one another. They look that particular Notting Hill kind of cool: a bit messy, boho, casual.

 

It always makes me smile when I seem them, cause this is the kind of family I imagine us becoming when we have children. They seem easy and happy in eachother's company, and they have this lovely morning ritual that's just an older, more familial version of our own.

e-course madness

My name is C., and I am addicted to e-courses.

I think I've gone overboard bingeing on Mondo Beyondo and Unravelling Further in one gluttonous feast of self-discovery. MB only just started one week ago, and it has already consumed my thoughts and every last spare moment of my time. Unless I am actively involved in something urgent, I find my mind idling, wandering about in Mondo Beyondo dreamland, coming up with yet more outrageous goals and dreams to add to my life's to-do list.

 

And then... *sigh*... today is the first day of Unravelling Further and I could not possibly be more excited. The original Unravelling course proved to be a turning point: it opened my eyes to the fabulous, expressive, creative, collaborative world of the blogging community (and was the impetus for my starting this blog). It was like I had finally stumbled upon my tribe, who had been there all along, waiting for me knowingly until I was ready to join their ilk. I can see from the UF forums that many of my original Unraveller classmates are also taking this follow-up course, and it feels like coming home.

 

Readers, I think this is going to be an intense six weeks.

Holiday bliss

Ah lovely dreamy sunny holidays.... My love and I are recently back from a week spent in the Bodrum Peninsula, Turkey. Our holiday had such an easy effortless flow.. our pace was unhurried, and we explored the area but without feeling the pressure to see or do everything. 

During the day we'd drive to the coast.  There we'd swim, laze around, read, eat a long mellow lunch.... and I'd write and draw in my journal. I did a lot of writing on this trip, I wrote nearly every day and the words flowed easily.  (The drawing unfortunately didn't flow so well, it felt forced... as it has for months now. I do hope that I become unstuck in my drawing as I have in my writing...)

We had rented a small cottage in a vineyard - traditional, very simple, tiny but functional.

The surrounding land provided a beautiful rustic backdrop to our stay.  We were up in the hills surrounded by ancient fig and olive trees, with a small vineyard directly below. Rolling hills in the distance, and beyond that the blue of the Aegean Sea. The hooting of owls provided the soundtrack. 

In the evenings we'd play jazz, sitting under the stars feasting on baclava and red wine from the vineyard, talking dreamy-eyed about the future life we want to build, a less hectic life, one where we have a true home and feel rooted.

Five lovely moments from the past week

1. Swimming at the coast early on Sunday morning. So invigorating! Water so cold and refreshing! No one on the beach save four yoga enthusiasts and seven fishermen. Our squeals probably scared the fish off.

2. Breakfast with Ted at the Electric. So good to catch up with a dear friend.

3. Summer weather finally arrived in London on Sunday evening. Patience rewarded! Hope restored!

4. The kindness shown to me by someone I barely know, who was willing to miss her train to our yoga retreat so that I wouldn't have to travel alone. Even though it was my own fault for being late. Even though it meant that she'd arrive late for the first yoga practice of the retreat. Would I have been that sweet to a near-stranger?

5. Cooking with my hubbie last night, sunlight pouring through from the garden. Courgette frittata - delicious, and made with love.

Photo of Seaford Beach courtesy of Simon Carey: www.geograph.org.uk/profile/1833

Compass

Yesterday I got a pat on the back at work. An overall "thumbs-up kiddo" sort of comment from my boss. Well I just skipped out of that meeting, feeling all light and delighted, and I've been on a high ever since. This leads me to wonder, why am I so responsive to praise? Shouldn't I know in my core whether I'm giving my best and making an impact, without being reliant on external validation? And more importantly, as the dream is to leave the corporate world behind forever and do my own creative thing, how will I respond to the complete absence of validation from an authority figure?

A huge eureka moment when I was working with an executive coach a few years back was to realise that I was "externally referenced". This means that I deeply cared what others thought of me, that I looked for external signals to know whether I'm ok. But isn't that true for everyone? Maybe - but to greater and lesser extent, and I was a bit of an extreme case. Since then I've been working hard at strengthening my own internal compass. I'm learning to find my own answers and trust my intuition.

A trick that I use sometimes when feeling uncertain is to reframe the situation as an exam question. I may not always be confident in daily life, but I do excel at exam taking. So I say to myself, if this were an exam question rather than real life, what answer would I write down on the paper? Or alternatively, if I were advising someone else in this exact situation, what would I say to them? Interesting how the uncertainty lifts away with this reframing. It's telling. I do know the answers, but sometimes fear prevents me from knowing that I know them!

My latest obsession

O how I want my very own Brompton! I want to be that girl with the funky outfit and the killer heels riding around the hood with the wind in my hair! (said hair safely ensconced in a state of the art helmet, natch)

Suddenly I see them EVERYWHERE - who knew the world was so full of these delightful cuddly bikes?

Fumbling...

I am new to this blogging thing. I feel very excited.. and also uncertain, like Bambi fumbling in the meadow, learning to walk on fledgling legs. They say with time a writer finds her voice, and so I trust that this will become easier, more flowy, less self conscious.

This is the coffee shop that I went to this morning to celebrate the sunshine. Early Saturday morning, the scent of coffee, the sun on my face... all is right with the world!